god guides my hand when i put
masking tape over my webcam.
i am being watched / everywhere.
and i know it’s in my head / but
what if it’s not? shut up! i don’t
want to think about it, i don’t want
to exist. not right now. jesus tells
me to delete my social media
accounts / and disappear, for a
couple of days. i say all right.
mary magdalene tells me to hurt.
you look so pretty when you’re
bleeding. i say: all right. okay. i
got this. she guides my hand &
picks up the razor / the scissor /
the largest kitchen knife. she says:
push. she says: harder, little girl.
this is a bad porn. this is a toxic
orgy. i don’t know how to leave
i don’t know how to say no. i
was never taught how to. jesus
taught me yes. taught me love.
taught me forgiveness for your
sins. i know it hurts / but it’s for
your own good. harder. push,
harder. rip the skin around your
nails off. rip the skin on your lips
off. rip your limbs off. claw, honey.
god says: hurt for me. jesus says:
forgive / them. mary magdalene
says: bleed. eve enters my life,
covered in blood, she spits out:
destroy them, honey. she spits
out: to fucking hell & back, honey.
she pushes me against a wall
& sticks her tongue in my mouth
& she says fuck shit up, honey.
destroy the whole damn world.
By Esther Liv
esther liv is a 19 year old lesbian from denmark desperately in love with the moon. down with capitalism and capital letters, up with slam and ice cream. she has works forthcoming in words dance and transcending shadows review.