Using my stomach to make a trap
for mouse mousse. Gagging out
another mouse. Another binge
and now there’s a mouse tail stuck inside
that doesn’t want to come out
no matter how far I stick my finger in.
“Stick it in further!” I scream
at myself in the mirror.
“Stick it in further! Stick it in further!
Go ahead you mouse motherfucker!
I’ll turn your tail into bloody entrails!”
I don’t care if some of the blood is my own.
I want to rip off all my hair and flush it down.
I want to get rid of these breasts.
Purge them out with scissors
and then cover up the holes.
“I’m too motherfucking fat!” I scream
at myself in the toilet bowl.
“I’m too thin! I’m too fat! I’m fucking ugly!”
I’m trapped in my own body, repeatedly
puking myself out.
I don’t want to be a body stared at
and held down and screamed at
and told what my body does or doesn’t deserve.
I promise I’m not a female body.
You can barely even see me.
I’m just a tiny blood red mouse
trapped inside rotten cake batter and hurling myself out.
By Juliet Cook
Juliet Cook’s poetry has appeared in a small multitude of magazines, including Arsenic Lobster, DIAGRAM, Diode, FLAPPERHOUSE, Hermeneutic Chaos, Menacing Hedge and Reality Beach. She is the author of numerous poetry chapbooks, recently including RED DEMOLITION (Shirt Pocket Press, 2014), a collaboration with Robert Cole called MUTANT NEURON CODEX SWARM (Hyacinth Girl Press, 2015), and a collaboration with j/j hastain called Dive Back Down (Dancing Girl Press, 2015). Cook’s first full-length individual poetry book, “Horrific Confection”, was published by BlazeVOX and her second full-length individual poetry book, ‘Malformed Confetti’ is forthcoming from Crisis Chronicles Press. Her most recent full-length poetry book, ‘A Red Witch, Every Which Way’, is a collaboration with j/j hastain published by Hysterical Books in 2016. Find out more at http://www.JulietCook.weebly.com.