motion sickness

from my upcoming Bone & Ink chapbook “sweet like limes”

1. from my perspective
i’ve got reasons too
they are gripping aggressively to my psyche
& tapping against my selfishness

2. you say you hate me
then turn around to say you don’t
you see me as a ghost
then want me corporeal to touch me

3. & all this confusions stems from what i’ve done
all this ripping shit apart
& ripping your heart out
trying to shove it back into your chest
wiping the blood on my hands away
to spare myself

4. i thought we’d begun to mend things
but haven’t really

it’s still strange to look you in the eyes
things bubble up too much
& you’ve got emotional motion sickness
whether you admit it or not

& i hardly feel but still i get it too

5. can you drown me out all the way?
hold the deep gut desire underwater
until it’s begging for air
struggling under your grip
it’s all too much, huh?

By vanessa maki

Biography:

vanessa maki is a queer writer, visual artist & blk feminist whose work has appeared or will appear in various places. She has self-published chapbooks & has several chapbooks forthcoming or out this year: the chosen one (Animal Heart Press), sweet like limes (Bone & Ink Press) & another final girl (Roaring Junior Press).