In Which Quantum Mechanics Saves Me from Suicide

Particles that form substances can also be waves

I

I know no other way of living but this: where
I am particle droplet a crumb of God’s
benevolence

Rejecting the euphony of life each time it
plays

Tuning out of life like I tune out of
songs

I do not like to remember

I beg death to stay.

These days, it is difficult to remember what
my teachers said about substance or matter

Even more difficult to carry my weight or
occupy space

I know no other world but this: where
I am seedling a murderer killing myself
bit by bit

Dancing to the euphony of death each time it
plays

Holding its notes like I held onto my lover’s
last breathe

After an ambulance took him away

I begged him to stay.

But tonight, I am wave and the sky
is generous

I drift into another world directly parallel
to space

II

Our universe consists of particles that can exist in two places

Here, I am a girl sinking and sinking
Summer seems to bear a grudge
&the sun- a melancholy- is
pretending it is made of wax
Pretending and chuckling
Doing it with so much vigor
& I knew that my life
As bare as it seems
Will wait
& wait

Here, I find myself in a child
It is a cold morning
& I watch as I drench in the dew
Pretending to be freezing
Pretending and chuckling
Doing it with so much vigor
& I knew that my death,
As daring as it seems
Will wait
& wait

By Adaeze M. Nwadike

Biography:

Adaeze M. Nwadike is a Nigerian writer and teacher. Her works have appeared or are forthcoming in many notable magazines in Nigeria and the diaspora. She is currently working on a collection of poems that explores the experiences of women migrating to Europe through the Mediterranean Sea.