Seattle Trip Advisor Review – 5 stars

i’m visiting Seattle here people are made of
rain and smoked salmon the water passes through
us them without a second thought umbrellas are
a fool’s errand you’d better save that twenty
dollars for a coffee because if you don’t have a
scalding cup of starbucks imprinted in your hand or smell
like you lived in a pine tree for five years (assuming that you
didn’t don’t) everyone will know you don’t belong

and you have to blend in enough that the
guy handing out coupons for the punk-rock cafe opening up
in the alley next to the fancy french restaurant on 6th ave will
give you a second glance maybe even throw in an extra coupon
you can’t say you’ve been to Seattle until you’ve followed a flyer somewhere bonus points if the event you end up showing up at
is completely different from where you wanted to go

if you get really lost summon all of your directional confidence as quickly as possible because Seattleites can smell fear are constantly late and
aren’t afraid to jostle you so hard that you fall through the
sidewalk and into the underground where you’ll get
mauled by yet more of Seattle’s residents except this time
they’re spectral ready to possess you and like to scream

all of this will be completely avoidable if you can find
a grungy-looking bookshop clerk to ask for directions don’t go into the nice looking ones if you’re lost things will end badly trust me they like
to hire teenagers the age range most deeply afflicted with the
seasonal depression imbued in many Seattleites one of the few things
that truly brings them joy is watching a confused patron get run over
by a coffee-crazed middle-aged woman.

at this point you may be wondering why i gave my trip
to Seattle a five star review and honestly i’m not sure the people
are strange you’ll be wet and freezing most of the time maybe
even hit by lighting if you’re really unlucky

actually i do know why i left a 5 star review the smoked
salmon i can’t explain how good the salmon is there
to someone who’s never had it it’s like trying to describe what a
turtle is to a butterfly that can only understand german
and you grew up not knowing germany was a country

so visit seattle

By Zoe Reay-Ellers

Biography:

Zoe Reay-Ellers is a high school junior from Washington State. You can find her work in The Heritage Review and The Eunoia Review. When she’s not spending hours slaving over her keyboard, she can be found backpacking remote mountains, making fun of star wars movies, and re-enacting musicals in her kitchen