fever dreams

we meet on a beautiful summer day
far from perfect, but i could not know
the brightness of your gaze outshining even
the dazzling brilliance of that pitiless sun
stunned, i am blinded by the light
the heat and energy from your spotless form
and i begin to melt
your laugh is like music to my ears
and i find myself laughing along
to the voice that becomes so familiar so soon

perhaps too soon
my unintended serenade to a stranger
and though my days are blissful
i remember that you’ll never know
that i would give you my everything
and ice envelops me once more

despite everything,
the haze never lifts from my twisted eyes
your every word is changed, manipulated
to something more lovely and serene
i want you so badly to melt
the chains of frost that hold me

but i cannot find the words i need
those words that would free me
my cowardly heart is too scared
to sprint and leap where others have fallen
and that selfishness whispers in my ear
so i remain silent

even when my blindness consumes me

even when we say goodbye
for the final time

during the long, cruel nights
my warped mind conjures visions
of your smiling face, your warm hand
reaching out and grasping mine
melting the years of pain from my heart
the loneliness of the night fading away
into wisps of a forgotten memory
as my hopeful eyes rise to meet yours
the blank, dreaminess of their gaze

my empty heart, despite everything
continues to beat
like an abandoned machine;
dead, useless scraps of metal

and when the nights are coldest
i gaze into the void and think about how
just once i’d like to feel
the touch of your flesh on mine

we are like the stars in the sky,
regretfully shining until the end of our days
but while your warmth brings life and joy
it cannot fix my delusional love
and soon, ice begins to wrap around me
choking, paralyzing, destroying

for a moment, my lungs stop
and i think i can see your face
“why are you crying?” you ask,
your fading hand caressing my face
and my worthless tongue
begins to crumble

By Katie Park

Biography:

Katie Park is a first-year Computer Science student at New York University. In her spare time, she enjoys recording music, reading historical biographies, and writing depressing poetry.