To my Abuser
I want to run through my body and lock every door inside of me,
I want to live in a dark box where I am invisible,
I want to stack furniture against my heart.
I want to stretch myself so thin and far apart
That any ropes still snaking around my body burst
And fall slack to the ground.
I want to slam the blinds closed
And dance and scream inside my head
Until every part of you runs out of my eyes and ears.
I want to stand on the roof of my life and scream
Until it gets through your thick skull that
I never wanted it.
I want to plant a tree made out of what is left of myself and eat its fruit.
I want to cut you out of myself with giant ceremonial scissors.
I want to float above everything and watch my world go on without your abuse.
By Audrey McGuinness
Audrey McGuinness is from Oakland, California and is a first year at Macalester College. She has dedicated a great deal of time and energy to processing trauma, abuse, and assault, and balances these experiences by seeking beauty in mundanity. She writes when poems start writing themselves in her head.