List of Confessions

I confess I squeeze rosemary extract
into my coconut oil before
massaging my scalp each morning.

I confess I wear my grandmother’s
solid yellow gold on my ears and
Etsy gold plated something in my nose.

I confess I suck on dry cloves
after gulping down Throat Coat
when a cold tickles my chest.

I confess my thick lashes
and black eyes and cardamom skin
were not designed for this land.
I confess I don’t know peace
until I know my mother’s mind.
But my mother doesn’t live in my land.
She lives where lashes droop under
their own weight and eyes are
bottomless wells and skin is Darjeeling
mixed with milk and honey,
where her curls move like
green river eddies and smell
like the hour before rainfall.

I confess I mix turmeric
into my CVS clay mask
everytime I see a pimple.

I confess I am contradiction
Eastern body / Western mind
endless partition / perpetual joining
perpetually undone
endlessly in search of my mother
who is already at my side.

By Jasiah Hasan