an attempt at goodbye

how do i stop feeling heavy for people who never felt heavy for me
i wish that my love for you were a forest i could chop down
i do not promote cutting down trees, but i need a permanent solution
to you in my life | i need to find a context for you in my life
that isn’t me loving you desperately, that isn’t me flying ten thousand
miles to see, you batting an eyelash in my direction, me losing
myself in the idea of you possibly being in love with me even a
quarter that I loved you. | i need to find a way to be soft & kind
to myself in the same way i am soft & kind to people over the
internet. i need to stop allowing sad boys to drain me of my magic,
southern hemisphere boys to drain me of my magic, i need to
touch myself like a lover & love myself like my very best friend but
instead i have been reaching for the soft of your back & loving you
like a garden that i grow flowers in. i need to appreciate myself
like i have appreciated Jackson Pollock on two continents
but i cannot see myself as art & i cannot see you as anything
less. 

By Erin Taylor

Biography:

Erin Taylor is a Tulsa based writer who is always somewhere else. She has a chapbook of poetry OOOO (Bottlecap Press) and a forthcoming micro chap you look tired (Ghost City Press 2016). Her work has appeared recently at Alien She Zine, Metatron, Potluck Mag, Moloko House, and others. She blogs at amarettoandslayin.tumblr.com and tweets @erinisaway.